A play on the age-old vow til death do us part, Tanisha Shah explores the undefined spaces of modern romance and the ‘ick factor’ infiltrating the love scene.
In the lexicon of love, a new term has been etched: situationship.
Urban dictionary defines a situationship as: Less than a relationship, but more than a casual booty call, a romantic relationship that is, and remains, undefined [1].
Ahhhh, a situationship, who hasn’t heard that term before? Situationship, coined in 2017, gained traction following the rise of dating apps and swipe culture. There are no labels of ‘boyfriend’ and ‘girlfriend’ in this type of relationship, but it goes well beyond the other popular relationship genre called ‘friends with benefits’. Usually, you meet someone, feel an attraction, go on dates and decide to enter into a relationship. But here, the commitment acts as a drawbridge that remains up, leaving the two souls in a trench of ambiguity — a situationship.
While ‘friends with benefits’ has been a thing since the mid 1990s, it truly reached its peak in 2011 with the release of the popular film Friends With Benefits starring Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake. It can be seen as a rebellious upshot of the incessantly binding essence of a romantic relationship. The circumstances provided elbow-room to the people who wished to distance themselves from emotional intimacy in a relationship. On the other hand, a situationship does not shy away from emotional intimacy.
A situationship may come off as something akin to tomfoolery to the older generations (even to me, if I am being totally honest). Yet, it has emerged as a widely attractive relationship. While it’s against labels and commitment like friends with benefits, it does have the updated benefit of an emotional connection, offering a semblance of a relationship without the full plunge into commitment. Not knowing where your partnership is going may be some people’s worst nightmare, but for others, it allows for a flexible, pressure-free exploration of connection. Thus, a situationship is only fruitful if you can handle the uncertainty of your romantic life (or if you welcome this uncertainty).
Surely, all of us have heard how relationships are no longer the way they used to be. “Oh, the good old days of romance are over!” I agree, the narrative of romance has evolved, but it hasn’t entirely died; it has simply adapted to the rhythm of our times. Alongside this evolution of relationships is the advent of the ick.
Ick: Something someone does that is an instant turn-off for you, making you instantly hate the idea of being with them romantically. [3]
Icks are reshaping relationship boundaries and allowing people an opportunity to subconsciously confirm their personal limits and desires and support their decisions to uncouple out of mutually exclusive behavior.
An ick can just be something that your partner does that suddenly makes you feel repulsed. It’s not just about likes and dislikes but a fast-acting gut feeling that essentially extinguishes the romantic flames like a punch. Common behavioral icks like being rude to the server, having an elitist attitude or lack of personal hygiene point to the general issues of being respectful and grounded. But, these icks have developed into something a little ‘unhinged’ like eating their pasta with a spoon instead of a fork, wearing a certain type of shoes, being an Android user, or whatnot. Icks can show up anytime in a relationship, and while many choose to ignore it or address it depending on how much it bothers them, some people take it as a sign of them being incompatible and choose to end the relationship.
The playbook of love has changed and the rules binding us to relationships are evolving. As we navigate these uncharted waters of modern love, we must consider whether situationships are a substitute to the more traditional aspect of relationships, a symptom of our collective commitment phobia, or a legitimate, perhaps even essential iteration of diversifying romance. Situationships and icks are the new ‘friends with benefits’ of our era and only time will tell if these new forms of connection can withstand the perils of maintaining a lasting, healthy relationship.
ENDNOTES
[1] Kaktussimba. “Urban Dictionary: Situationship.” Urban Dictionary, 14 Feb. 2022, https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Situationship. Accessed 8 May 2024.
[2] Trinityavenue. “Urban Dictionary: Commitment Issues.” Urban Dictionary, 8 Apr. 2022, www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Commitment+issues. Accessed 7 May 2024.
[3] sarahchasauce . “Urban Dictionary: Ick.” Urban Dictionary, 18 June 2020, www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=ick. Accessed 8 May 2024.
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