Sarah Sol shares her perspective as a feminist whose personal aspirations to live as a traditional wife are often misunderstood within the movement.
A few short years ago, I was a passionate, over-the-top feminist. It was overly aggressive to the point where it wasn’t even feminism anymore, it was just man-hating. I had thought men were annoying and useless. What purpose did they serve in my life other than to irritate me? I was fiercely single knowing there was nothing a man could give me that I could not give myself.
However, somewhere along the years I fell in love with a man and developed a softer side allowing me to see the world in a new way. As a part of growing up, I’ve taken on greater responsibilities in my life and for my family, including housework, cooking and cleaning; tasks my younger self would have never enjoyed. These tasks forced me to recognise the labour many women perform while at home, appreciating the time, skills and effort they put in for their families.
My mother raised me to be independent and hardworking. She always encouraged my education and career. Growing up I learnt the benefits of being financially independent, never relying on a man for income or assistance. I thought that being fiercely independent was the only pathway for women in life. I thought this to be a necessity rather than a choice. I thought I had to work and support myself in the corporate world as there was no other option for women to choose. Of course, I admire the girls choosing this lifestyle, though this article is about recognising the girls who don’t. I think it’s important to recognise the girls choosing and enjoying domestic labour and traditional family values.
Often the ‘stay-at-home wife’ is frowned upon. Growing up I was exposed to men who didn’t appreciate this role, thinking that women like this were doing nothing but sitting around at home wasting time and occasionally shopping. This impacted my thoughts as a child, thinking that working women were of higher value than domestic women. I’m glad to have grown quickly away from these thoughts now knowing the efforts these women put in are equal to the efforts a working woman puts in. While some girls prefer working 9-5 in large corporate jobs in big cities, others prefer labouring over sourdough in a strict time plan for 12 hours, not including the 4-day pre-preparation.
Taking on greater chores and responsibilities at home taught me to enjoy the beauty of this labour. I can now admire the way in which white sheets flutter in the wind, I now enjoy the varying essential oils I can scent my bathroom with, and love weaving pastries in unique combinations to make aesthetic pies that no one asked for. It's important to acknowledge these individuals who find joy in such activities, activities that often go un-admired such as the motions in which someone can mop the floor, collecting herbs straight from their garden, and the soft gentle way of living.
I think it’s important to acknowledge that it’s okay to be soft, it’s okay to not be able to do things, and it’s okay to not do stressful things. Where once I thought I had to achieve everything independently, I now acknowledge that I don't. Where I once would have cried over such hard and stressful work such as building a new study desk, complete with shelving. Now, I appreciate the help from someone with more skill and strength than I.
I was raised in a way that taught me to not rely on anyone but myself. So I will continue to study and continue to work, always ensuring I am more than capable of taking care of myself. As proud as I am of my past self for getting me this far on my own, I now recognize the choices I have. I’ve grown and learnt to appreciate the women who choose a different lifestyle to mine; because that is what feminism is to me, it is about having a choice to live your life the way you desire. The suffragettes and first-wave feminists before me paved the way so that this new generation could choose and pave their own way in life, no matter their choice. All forms of work, whether in an office or at home, should be appreciated equally.
Feminism is about having a choice and choosing to work rather than being forced to work outside of the home.
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