Fearless Editor-In-Chief Jasmine embodies the spirit of Sue Sylvester in this exclusive tell-all of the most iconic and sassy blonde on Glee.
Love her, hate her, fear her, Sue Sylvester devoured television well into the early 2010s, licking any remnants from her lips afterwards. Portrayed by Jane Lynch, the intense high school cheerleading coach won hearts and shocked viewers throughout the airing of Ryan Murphy’s comedy musical series Glee. Unlike the number one public threat Matthew Morrison, who portrayed (fraudulent) Spanish teacher and director of the New Directions Will Schuester, Lynch is a powerhouse. She has a stint as William McKinley High Principal, Vocal Adrenaline Coach, Aural Intensity Coach and even has her own segment – Sue’s Corner – on the local news (but we don’t talk about the shit that she spouts on there). Of course, she also ends the series as the first female Vice President of the United States, naturally. Not to mention, Lynch’s portrayal won her an Emmy Award. Yeah, as it should.
We are currently seeing a sort of “Glee renaissance” as a result of TikTok and, dare I say, Mike’s Mic’s long-form ‘appropriately unhinged recap’ videos on YouTube. To quote Mike on Sue: “She is absolutely feral…and also an icon!” I’m no mathematician, but I’d suggest that she gets around 80 per cent of the witty and viscous one-liners throughout the series. The only real match for her character is “closet lesbian and judgemental bitch” Santana Lopez, portrayed by Naya Rivera, and the only real match for her impeccable taste in fashion is Irish heartthrob Paul Mescal (if you know, you know). The past decade has seen a shift in popular culture where instead of focusing on the bright and shiny hero or protagonist of a text, we’re finding ourselves drawn to their darker and more sinister counterparts – the anti-heroine. And so Glee’s very own Sue Sylvester joins the ranks of Killing Eve’s Villanelle, The Vampire Diaries’ Katherine Pierce, and Gossip Girl’s Georgina Sparks – all fantastically terrible in their own right.
Despite the various obstacles that get in the path of the Glee Club’s success, both as a group and individually, Sue is their most constant and relentless antagonist. As they pose a threat to her Cheerios budget and their longstanding role as the most successful extracurricular group, she must ensure their demise. As she declares, “For me, trophies are like herpes. You can try to get rid of them, but they just keep coming. You know why? Sue Sylvester has hourly flare-ups of burning, itchy, highly contagious talent.” It’s also worth noting that Sue’s Corner remaining on air is reliant on the success of the Cheerios, so the stakes are in outer space right now. She goes about this by infiltrating the New Directions with various off-siders, gathering intel, turning members against one another, leaking information to their opponents, and other techniques far too heinous to even mention.
But it’s not exclusively the show tune bandits who Sue antagonises. It’s everyone. The Glee Fandom Wiki – the most credible of sources, really – under their tell-all section ‘Personality’ describes Sue as “sassy, calculating, determined, ruthless, devious, sneaky, egotistical, pompous, sarcastic, arrogant, vindictive, sadistic, scheming, manipulative, ungrateful, immoral, sociopathic, cruel, spiteful, bitter, dishonest, greedy, treacherous, dirty, sly, brutal, diabolical, sinister, pure evil, vain, vicious, ambitious, savage, rotten, nasty and unscrupulous.” Not a single breath was spared and I’m Olivia Wilde nodding to all these because, yeah, they’re pretty accurate. Picture this – you meet Sue Sylvester on a blind date and ask her to describe herself in three words or less. She looks at you with contemplation before rapidly firing off ‘rotten’, ‘diabolical’, and ‘treacherous’ (Taylor’s Version). I’m kinda obsessed with it. In all seriousness, under the prompt ‘things I am most passionate about’ on her dating profile, she’s listed extreme taxidermy, tantric yelling, and poking the elderly with hidden pins, so you really should’ve known what you were getting yourself into.
Yes, the character has all of these traits in their most extreme forms – she herself claims that she’s “pure evil and doesn’t hide it” – but she goes on to let the audience in more and more as the show progresses. We are shown how much she struggles with accepting love and friendship, and how she in turn rejects any potentially meaningful connections that are on the horizon. Her romantic life is also next to non-existent which results in her attempting to marry herself; the one person who could never let her down (in a custom-made Adidas gown mind you! Ultimate serve points!). Mummy issues, innit? But seriously, her mum sucked.
Disconnected and practically abandoned by her parents at a young age, Sue had no choice but to become the primary carer of her older sister, Jean. Living with Down syndrome, Jean faces much discrimination and hardship that Sue does her best to guard her from. If there’s one thing that viewers can be sure of throughout the series, it’s the genuine love and care that Sue has for her sister. But because of all this, Sue has to learn to be self-sufficient and not take shit. Just like anyone else, she cares deeply about how people perceive her and those closest to her, yet she wouldn’t dare showcase it or let them in on her softer side. In Season 1, Episode 9 “Wheels” we learn that Sue pays for wheelchair-accessible ramps to be installed around the school for Glee Club member Artie out of the Cheerios budget. In this same episode, she recruits Becky, a student with Down syndrome, for the squad with the hopes of fulfilling her wish that she be treated the same as anyone else. Later, as principal, she goes on to expel a student for homophobic misconduct and then steps down in protest when this is overturned by the school board. So, in short, that softer side is definitely in there. Somewhere.
Previously mentioned Cheerios preservation aside, it is revealed in the sixth and final season – let’s be real, who actually made it that far – that Sue herself was a former Gleek (in case you couldn’t tell by the way she ate up her performance of Nicki Minaj’s ‘Super Bass’). Starring in her high school’s production of Oklahoma (bitch, you better be joking), the antagonist once lived and breathed musical theatre, with ambitions of making a career for herself in the Arts. However, any hope for this was quickly distinguished by a harsh critic who, needless to say, broke her little heart and sparked her villain arc, having her now “vibrating with wide irrational rage” and “engorged with venom, and [the desire for] triumph”.
Another website, Villians Wiki, lists the numerous crimes committed by Sue: “drugging, fraud, attempted usurpation, usurpation, assault and battery, harassment, blackmail, bribery, incrimination, abuse, psychological abuse, child abuse, sabotage, abuse of power, corruption, false imprisonment, vandalism, conspiracy, kidnapping, treachery, stalking, child endangerment, slander, fabrication”. Well, when you put it like that… If you find yourself sitting there wondering: how is she still employed? – then please divert your attention to one “Busted Timberfake” Will Schuester because… Sue is a menace (affectionate), whereas Will is a menace (derogatory). And that’s what you missed on Glee!
Sue was a self-professed Madonna stan from an early age – hello Season 1, Episode 15 “The Power of Madonna”, in which she comes down with motheritis and gives us an incredible rendition of ‘Vogue’ (“They had style, they had grace / Rita Hayworth gave good face / Lauren, Katherine, Lana too / Will Schuester I hate you.”) Next time you’re feeling low, imagine a small child with a blonde pixie cut and matching Adidas tracksuit scrolling Wattpad and updating her Twitter account, @rebelheart67. Yeah, you’re welcome. Not to mention that infamous hairdo is quite literally the result of one too many at-home bleach jobs in an attempt to resemble the superstar. Really, she’s just a girl. And a journal girl at that! “Dear Journal, feeling listless again today.” ME TOO, MAMA! While the first page of the unholy artefact features the word “MADONNA” surrounded by small designs (hearts probably), the following ones are full of “Dear Journal, I am in a crisis” or “Dear Journal, I am living a nightmare.” Sure, she’s a little dramatic, but who of us isn’t? Just try not to think about the fact that this is a fully grown fifty-two-year-old woman. Cue: “GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD. That’s right, losers. I’m committing SUE-ICIDE.” Oh boy, did Ottessa Moshfegh steal Sue Sylvester’s journal and publish it as My Year of Rest and Relaxation? Overdose by vita-gummies following a cheerleading-regionals-loss-induced depression? Yeah, that’s kinda poetry. Needless to say, Fox really missed out on an opportunity to compile these pages and have them printed as an anthology – you know that shit would’ve been eaten up just like The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath.
These entries might make you think that the constant war is getting to Sue. Why doesn’t she just nip it in the bud? Why keep the onslaught going for six whole years? The thing is, Sue doesn’t really want to destroy the Glee Club as she keeps professing; she just enjoys the fight. As she confesses to Will at one point, “If I were out to get you, you'd be pickling in a mason jar on my shelf by now.” This is proven by the finale of Season 1 where, having defeated the group, Sue meets with Principal Figgins and asks for it to be reinstated, as well as the series' conclusion where she declares Will as the only person who ever managed to challenge her. She really just did it for the bit, and I respect that.
If there’s a Sue Sylvester in your life – mine was an ex-manager and, seriously, the similarities are uncanny – reach out and hold her. Embrace her unruliness. Don’t let her feel alone. She was a girl once too.
And that’s how Sue C’s it.
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