Recently I have found that my heart is split into two.
Half of my heart belongs in Sri Lanka with the people who gave me life and raised me. It belongs to the first friends I ever made, the city that shaped my identity, and the rhythms of a culture that run deep in my veins.
The other half belongs in Sydney with the people who know me best. It belongs to the girl with the fiery hair who understands me more than anyone. It belongs to my friend who has fought for me when no one else would and to the boy who has been the older brother I never had. It belongs to the extension of me who used to live a hundred meters away but now lives in a different city. It belongs with the boy who is the first to know that I’m upset and the girl who brightens my day simply by her sweet smile.
The home I made had unexpected characters who became more significant than I ever imagined. I learned to yearn and pine for boys who wanted nothing more than to just be friends. I’ve learned to observe them and every part of them that is beautiful. They share their souls and secrets with me, expecting me not to fall in love, but I always do. And then they leave, yanking the roots out before the flowers can bloom.
I will never forget the boy who shared his soul with me, the boy I wished had stayed. I loved him so deeply and so ardently. A little part of me will always love him, and I hope he thinks of me too. His absence haunts me and I let it.
Then there was the boy who picked me up when I was in pieces and put me back together when I thought I wouldn’t recover. The boy that I gave a piece of myself to, wishing he would let me love him the way he deserved. He is the easiest person to love and the easiest person to root for. I just wish he thought I was deserving of his attention.
I’m in Christopher’s car and we’re driving down Epping Road, down the bends that have defined my adulthood. I’m with the people I love most in the whole world, listening to the music that has been the soundtrack to our lives for the past three years, and I’ve never been more content. We are waiting at the intersection near Ranch and I think about all the great times we’ve shared. I can’t help but smile at the memory of all the drunk walks to Maccas and the many, many times Rohan has pushed me around in a shopping cart. Chloe and Jack are holding Dan as they try to get him back home in one piece while Grace and Charlie are running back to RMC, yelling the lyrics to their favorite Taylor Swift songs. I’m annoying Ashley about a girl that he likes while Tees is trailing behind, trying to start an argument that he isn’t going to win. Our laughter echoes through the night, a testament to the enduring bonds of our friendship.
We finally arrive back at RMC and I’m holding Bindi as we sing the lyrics to Iris, while Flynn and Emelia gather their belongings. Chris is closing the trunk and the moonlight shines down on us like the gentle glow of fireflies on a summer night. I’ve never felt such sadness in my life, because one day we won’t be together, one day we will have to move on. And I don’t want that day to come.
Yorumlar