Nirvana Prasad answers… or evades your burning questions in this comedic study of mythological reproduction
“You see, when a mummy mermaid and a daddy mermaid love each other very much-”
Let me stop you right there. I can assure you that if your kids are asking how mermaids have babies, they probably have a working understanding of how humans do it. So don’t insult their intelligence, or you’ll risk deflating their curiosity — after all, children are very flimsy creatures.
What you should do is think about these questions now so that when your four-year-old becomes a fourteen-year-old, you’ll know exactly how to answer all their difficult questions.
How do mermaids have babies?
That is a great question that many of the best philosophical minds have likely lost years of sleep over. Unfortunately, like most philosophers, they probably spent all their time thinking and forgot to actually come up with an answer. This is why you should consider science. Providing a scientific explanation of fish reproduction to your child, using words such as oogonia and maybe even parthenogenesis if you’re feeling brave, should put an end to the questioning.
Can two centaurs have a human child?
Theoretically, that is entirely possible, as anyone who has seen a Punnett square can confirm. However, in practice, there is no record of any centaurs giving birth to a fully human child. A possible explanation for this is that there are currently no records of centaurs giving birth. This may come as a distressing revelation to you, which is why I would like to provide some further explanation. You see, there are actually no records of centaurs existing at all. Do with this information what you will.
How do giants have babies with humans?
Another brilliant question for which there is no clear answer. I have taken the liberty of combing through some highly restricted source material and have come to the conclusion that there is no satisfactory explanation. You see, when consulting the Harry Potter series for Hagrid’s parentage, I found no clear explanation. Nor did I find one when considering the slightly different scenario in Shrek where Donkey and his beautiful dragon bride, Elizabeth, have six children together. I strongly encourage you to look through these sources yourself to find answers.
Note:
Thank you for reading. The author of this piece has no children and no knowledge of philosophy, science, film or any other subject. The author takes full credit for the work, but rejects any criticism that may arise, and hopes that you have found no answers to your questions or solutions to your problems. The author instead hopes that you will now be plagued with endless sleepless nights that slowly cause your brain to decay.
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