What’s more nostalgic than character flaws developed during childhood? Was it those warm family holidays, glee ridden days at school or formative sports and hobbies? Luckily for you, trauma allows us to combine character flaws and life events, so you never have to choose. Vestiges of your childhood get to live on in many of your unfavourable attributes, so buckle up, because it’s time for some piping hot facts you never asked for. As if 2020 wasn’t already dark enough!
Aloof: Horse girl. You galloped around the playground like your life depended on it, while you openly pondered your chances of being in the Saddle Club. Your parents went through a nasty divorce, yet you emerged unscathed because let’s face it, you were far too preoccupied with your own life to notice your broken home.
Defensive: The hallmark of your adolescence was a critical parent. Every day you faced a barrage of nit-picking comments like “you look so much more awake with makeup on.” Your family was never wealthy enough to afford Foxtel, so your entire knowledge of the Disney channel comes from Saturday Disney and it shows.
Entitled: Most likely you were an only child or the youngest in the family. You never had to do chores to earn pocket money and your parents used up all their disciplinary zest on the older siblings. Brittany from the ABC classic Mortified is your spirit animal.
Envious: Now I won’t say you were a middle child, but you definitely had siblings. You were the Jan to Marcia, the Candace to Phineas and Ferb and it shows. Whether it was attention or a Nintendo DS, you always craved something you didn’t have. It’s not your fault, in fact, it’s most definitely your parent’s fault.
Materialistic: Your childhood and formative years were marked by feelings of deprivation. Maybe there was never enough room in the sauna, or you never made it to the cheeseboard before the aged blue cheese was gone. Either way, you had to overcompensate for the absences in your life, forcing you to become a human version of Eugene Krabs.
Paranoid: Maybe one time you and your frenemy wore the same dress to Year 6 Formal, or maybe someone literally talked about you behind your back. It wasn’t nice to be the last to know and as a result, you have to know everything. What’s that famous axiom? If you stay ready you ain’t got to get ready. This is your personal mantra.
Unreliable: The edgy and self-declared weird teenager, you were the master of social distancing before it was government mandated. In high school, you wouldn’t let anyone get close to you. Sure, you had friends, but you liked that you could flake, and no one could stop you. Turns out, all that flaking gave you a lifelong condition: you are the dandruff in every friendship group, flaky as hell.