Illustrated: What Kind of New Year’s Resolution Are You?

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‘I’m going to spend quality time with myself’

  • Bought a pair of Birkenstocks over the break
  • You’ve been streaming a mix of self-help podcasts and meditation playlists since January 1st
  • Considering getting a tattoo in Arabic, despite not knowing how to speak or read Arabic
  • You’ve recently come to the realisation you’re 23 and in your final year and can’t be a fuck boy/girl any longer, but somehow all of your friends realised that a year and a half ago, so now you’re considering “self-partnering”

‘I’m going to go to the gym, for real this year’

  • You’ve unironically used the phrases “hot girl summer” and “revenge bod”
  • You follow no less than 25 fitness gurus on Instagram
  • Spent your Christmas money on a pair of overpriced Lululemon leggings
  • Will stop going to the gym when your other new year’s resolution to stop texting your ex fails and you fall back into a comfortable, yet slightly toxic relationship

‘I’m legit going to stop texting my ex’

  • ‘Accidently’ snapped your ex on New Year’s Eve a photo of you sobbing into your Passion Pop – they didn’t reply
  • Downloaded the holy trinity of Tinder, Hinge and Bumble on New Year’s Day
  • You’re yet to actually go on a date from any of said apps
  • Will be back with your ex by May

‘I’m going to cut back on drinking’

  • Yeah alright Kyle, we’ll see you at Ranch next Wednesday

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