Illustrated: The 5 guys you’ll match with on Tinder


Illustrations || Daniel Lim

CS (Champagne Socialist), 20
Easily recognisable, listing his passions as travel & volunteering straight off the bat. Another telltale sign is a bland quote that doesn’t quite belong in the context of Tinder, but exists nevertheless, i.e. Never judge someone till you’ve walked a mile in their shoes. Generally a ‘nice guy’, until you find out he believes in reverse-racism. His favourite position is missionary ;)

Jack, 23
Super beardy, holding a fish he caught, as though that’s remotely attractive? Mostly it’ll just lead you down a train of thought about where seafood fits into your vegetarian beliefs and agenda. Says he went fishing in the Top End, but it was probably the Hawkesbury River.

Derek, 22
Ah Derek. You’ll know him, because in every gym mirror selfie he looks like he’s being depressurised. He’ll state he isn’t on Tinder much, ‘so hit me up on my insta @hunkychad96’. Don’t fall for it though, the Insta account is just for promoting his whey powder pyramid scheme.

Blake, 19
Went to waaaay too many Ubar parties, you can spot that logo a mile off in every one of his pictures, except the last one, which features a baby? Is that his baby? I don’t know. Total fuckboy. Will ask you to send nudes.

John Doe, 20
Has one picture, and it is a group picture. What are you doing John? Someone help him please