FREE SHIT ALERT: You could be watching Mean Girls at the University’s expense RIGHT NOW

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Words || Nikita Jones

Is Netflix’s new price increases sapping the last of your hard-earned cash? (Or the last of your friend’s uncle’s ex-girlfriend’s hard-earned cash?)

No fear, as it turns out, the hundreds of thousands of dollars you’re currently throwing away on a University degree actually comes with some useful side-benefits. Among the many things Macquarie inexplicably doesn’t tell its own students about are all the free subscriptions you never knew you had.

Kanopy is a streaming library which you can access for absolutely zero dollars (apart from the ones on your HELP debt) through your student email.

I can see you already anticipating the PG docco snooze-fest implied by a university-sanctioned streaming library, but the service is actually chock-full of some pretty decent new-releases. Along with some admittedly dowdy programming straight from late-night SBS, you can access movies like The Big Short, The Hateful Eight, Ex Machina, or like, Trainwreck – if you’re into that kind of thing.

You can also hit up some of the best International and LGBT selections I’ve seen (and I have a Stan account). Just type in Kanopystreaming.com and hand over that @students.mq email address like it’s a goddamn gold card.

From the purely entertaining to the more practically useful, Lynda continues the theme of branding things using white-parent spelling techniques to bring you a huge library of online courses which you can hit up literally whenever you want.

Become an expert in InDesign, Photoshop, photography or video-editing and cram that CV with a list of newly gleaned skills WAY more impressive than your double degree. The service is valued $35 a month for those non-student idiots who aren’t paying upwards of roughly $3,000 per semester, but it’s totally free for MQ students.

You can find online courses which will teach you pretty much everything from C++ coding to Cross Volume Profit analysis. Just ten minutes on this site is enough to make you question why you needed to spend three years in a media degree that didn’t even teach you about Search Optimisation but no, no, no, don’t think about that. Each lecture typically goes for an hour and a half and yes you CAN hike it up to warp speed like an Echo recording and learn everything TWICE AS FAST! Also, if you’re an old person reading this, Lynda can teach you how to become ‘proficient’ in Microsoft Office, so you can put that on your hard-copy paper resume, you dumb geriatric. Just google ‘MQU Lynda’ and follow the links.

Lastly, nobody seems to know that your special uni email address also gets you free access Microsoft Office throughout the course of your degree. Both staff and students alike are entitled to the full version of Microsoft Office on up to 5 devices through a university portal. Again, all you’ve got to do is type ‘Microsoft for students MQU’ into Google (or, I guess, any search engine, but why try your luck?) and enter the secret portal in your computer screen. You can also get 10 per cent off any Microsoft Surface product, but then you’d have to own a Microsoft Surface product.

So go teach yourself to become a software coding or graphic-designing whizz kid, while blasting Jurassic World at the same time, just because you can, and then make a PowerPoint about how many of your non-existent dollars you saved while you’re at it.