The Unsealed Section: ‘Don’t Be Silly, Wrap Your Willy’ Edition

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Words || Erin Christie

My boyfriend doesn’t want to wear condoms during sex. He says they’re uncomfortable and that things don’t feel as good when he uses one. I’m super worried that I’ll fall pregnant and don’t know what to do if that happens. I’m really not ready for a child but would abortion even be the right choice? Is it legal?

Couple of things here. First, your boyfriend is a whiny a-hole manbaby and it makes me truly sad to discover that men are pulling this bullshit in a world where it’s so easy to become educated about safe sex. Tell him to pick up a goddamn pamphlet in a medical practice, or search a Laci Green YouTube video; whatever works, as long as he realises how completely stupid he’s acting. Condoms are uncomfortable? No, what’s uncomfortable is having to consider your options when you’re young, studying, and probably as broke as the rest of us poor souls who currently live off Mi Goreng and Fruity Lexia. What’s uncomfortable is pushing an eight pound baby out of your vagina.

Second, any choice that’s your choice is usually the right one. If you do find yourself impregnated with Asshole Junior, emergency contraceptives (EC) are a thing for up to 72 hours. They’re not as expensive or invasive as a full-blown abortion and no prescription is needed to pick them up – although most pharmacists will require a convo before they hand them over. As for your other question, is abortion legal? Well, yeah. Abortion law in NSW stands up on some pretty ugly Frankensteinish legislature that’s probably intentionally hard to decipher when you’re on your third tub of major-freak-out ice-cream. The fact remains that in most cases – thanks to the malleable legal definition of ‘mental health’ – it’s legal.

Also, in NSW you can go straight to the source without bothering with a referral. There are two safe, verified clinics within a 20 minute radius from Macquarie uni. Clinic 66 in Chatswood is the perfect place to piss off the ultra-conservative Catholic crowd, and, while Blue Water Medical in Hornsby may sound like those Blue Water High kids are walking around having interpersonal drama in doctor’s outfits, they’re actually really friendly and helpful trained professionals. For a longer list of options and clinics, Family Planning NSW and Children by Choice – QLD based but still helpful – are trustworthy, non-judgey websites that help lay out this confusing mess in the least complicated way.

Be wary about visiting any ‘abortion help’ page that isn’t one of the two listed above. The internet is strewn with sites that have an ugly alternative definition of ‘abortion counselling’ and ‘women’s health’, so for the sake of your mental wellbeing I’d recommend keeping that obsessive Googling to a minimum. Also, only use the clinics listed on those sites. Recently, an extreme group of anti-abortion protesters set up an American-style ‘Women’s Life Centre’ in Albury with the exclusive purpose of scaring pregnant people away from emergency contraception and abortions. Get. In. The. Bin.

All that aside, this dude may be a generally nice guy aside from his bedroom demands, but do you really want to be with someone who doesn’t put your medical safety first? From what you’ve said, I wouldn’t stress about losing this neanderthal. And if you miss the peen after a little while, men who practice safe sex are not that hard to find. Tinder is right there, just slip “don’t be silly, wrap your willy” into your bio.