WORDS Sarah Basford
The first week of the election period is done and things are starting to get… fun.
Last week kicked off with the Daily Telegraph’s headline “Finally, you now have the chance to KICK THIS MOB OUT”. Thanks to ol’ Rupie, a lot of us learnt a lesson in “How to Design and Publish Controversial Editorials 101”, and that headlines in Arial Black are eye-catching. Noted.
Other important things learnt from this front page were: Krudd’s admiration of District 12 sign language, Murdoch’s decision to run as a ghost candidate for the election and that billionaires have opinions too! How cute.
Image source: Canberra Times
Thankfully, Monday was such an eventful day and we were also lucky enough to see Greenway candidate Jaymes Diaz give us a rare insight into Liberal party policy. In this six minute interview with Channel Ten’s reporter, John Hill, Diaz was tight lipped and only wished to reveal one point of the six point plan. He pledged to his supporters that the Liberal party will in fact, “stop the boats”. Well, now that he’s cleared that up, we can move on to greater issues such as the proposed Green Army that will ensure that the Liberal Party achieves a promise to cut carbon emissions by 5% by 2020.
So, what’s the plan? He unveiled that he supports “direct action and real solutions”. Upon elaborating, this means he has “real people”, “real trees” and a solar panel. Clearly, an apt solution to the problems arising from an “invisible substance”. I’ll let the video below inform you of the rest.
Three days later, we saw One Nation candidate for Rankin, Stephanie Bannister, announce her stance on the country of Islam. Everybody just calm down for a second, she was not completely opposed to the country but, simply, that “their” laws were not welcome here in Australia. In her candid interview, she spoke of banning Halal food but insisted that kosher was permissible as [Jewish people] are not under “haram” and follow Jesus Christ.
She has since withdrawn her candidacy.
We move to Sunday evening where the National Press Club held the debate between the current Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd and opposition leader, Tony Abbott.
Rudd was expected to triumph and Abbott went into the debate as the underdog, known for his terrible case of foot-in-mouth and cringingly rehearsed speeches.
The result was a dull drone of repeated slogans and deliberate dancing around key issues. As the Green’s Federal Member for Melbourne, Adam Brandt said on Q&A the following night, the debate could be seen as “drab meanderings about increasingly diminishing points of differences.”
Not a great outcome for Rudd who was expected to come out on top as the better debater and with the Liberal-friendly media backing Abbott, the Australian public was not convinced either. As for Abbott, his inner school boy came out to play, snickering at Rudd on a few occasions.
And to finish the first week of the election period on a high note, we saw Abbott consult his “suppository of wisdom” during a speech to a campaign office in Victoria. Let us now define suppository:
noun, plural sup·pos·i·to·ries.
a solid, conical mass of medicinal substance that melts upon insertion into the rectum or vagina.
I’m not sure how we would feel about the Liberals pulling policies out of their arse, but at this stage, that would be better than none.
On that note, we will leave you until next week. Happy viewing voters.