I Hate Diet Freaks

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WORDS Regina Featherstone

I don’t know who they are, or if they are even real, but all I know is they infiltrate my photostream on Instagram making me feel dirty and well…fat.

I’m talking about those crop-topped, clean eating, life-is-amazing-cherish-every-second fitness Instagram accounts. You know, those people who take photos of a swamp-green smoothie in an ex-Cottees jam jar with a ridiculous caption like, ‘yummy yummy nutrients’.

I don’t know why I do it to myself, or why I ever clicked follow. I think it was probably at night when I was somewhere between the double-coated Tim Tams and a Magnum Ego. Perhaps I was looking for motivation or some sort of redemption that, yes, tomorrow I will eat better.

A few hashtags later and I was in a whole other world – one where everyone has abs, works out every day and says things like ‘What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’. The only form of balance these people have is a 20kg squat on an exercise ball.

The worst offenders, are the ’80% raw’ crew. Maybe I missed the memo but since when did your diet define you as a person? Their ‘about me’ may go a little like this, ‘Jess, 22, Australian, 80% raw,’ as if their diet is on par with their nationality and name.

My second, and perhaps more vehement issue with this is, who can empirically state their consumption in the form of percentages? What sort of study was conducted before they decided that they were 80% raw over say 76% or even 81.5%?

I think it’s great everybody is getting on the healthy lifestyle bandwagon but I think this trend is a little absurd. If this is your lifestyle, great, but surely your life consists of more than hot-pink Nikes and smoothies. I hope the 80% raw police are there for when they slip up and, God-forbid, eat more than one-fifth of their diet cooked.

I know, I know, ‘unfollow’ you say. Well, that’s what I have done.

Maybe I am jealous, or maybe they are a bit pretentious, or maybe it’s a combination of 80/20 – I don’t know. All I know is that your diet doesn’t define you, but if it did mine would go a little something like this, ‘Regina, 20, Australian, 60% crunchie chocolate.’