WORDS Megan Smith
[dropcap]Q: [/dropcap]I’m friends with my 15-year-old sister on Facebook and I’m starting to worry about her. Her posts are way too personal and her photos are way too provocative to share with all 1,200 of her “friends”. She often fights with her school friends and bitches about her teachers on her public profile. I’ve tried to tell her that she’s not only embarrassing herself but leaving an online legacy behind her as well. She won’t listen to me. What should I do?
[dropcap]A:[/dropcap] I saw the words “15-year-old” and peed myself, died of a heart attack, rose from the dead to gouge my eyes out with a crowbar and then cried blood before even thinking about answering this question.
The point is: teenagers are scary and weird and worrisome. The vast majority of 15-year-olds are as dumb as a brick shit house, and they smell like one too. I know this because I was as stupid and stinky as them, once upon a time. This unique experience makes me an expert.
Here are some options. You could add all of her friends and get freaky with the “@” button. Tag her in hundreds of old family photos or embarrassing statuses, for example, “MY LIL SIS JUST DID A NUMBER 2 LOL SMELLS SOOO BAD LOL WOT #SWAGTASTIC”. If there’s one thing teenagers fear, it’s being shamed into submission by their cool elders. You could wait until she leaves her page open and go on a deleting spree. You could report everything incendiary on her page and hope Facebook administration notices. You could tell your parents or at least threaten to. If you resent her, like most sisters do, you could report her to the school and get her expelled for trash talking her teachers.
All of these viable options, however, are going to make her hate you a little bit. Hopefully one day she will appreciate your concern for her. For now you can only hope she steps away from the computer and instead does what 15-year-olds should: wear crop tops, ship Larry, and annoy the shit out of everyone on the train.