Lying 101

Fake dolls

WORDS Gil Yahalom

First, I’m not here to debate whether lying is right or wrong. This is an article to teach you the basics of how to become a good liar. Keyword is ‘basics’. Think of this as a scout survival guide. Lying is a last resort and should only be used as such. It has its uses, but trust is something that takes ages to build and a short time to break. Proceed with caution. Now let’s begin:

[box_light]Principle #1: The easiest lies are the ones that cannot be found out.[/box_light]

Do you, the reader, know what I had for breakfast today? Let me tell you: I had eggs, bacon, and cottage cheese. Now we can get on with our lives. Hmm, except that’s not true. I lied, sorry. I actually had a bowl of cereal. How could you prove whether or not I really had one or the other?

Of course, you could not. You could go your whole life believing me and you would never ever find out whether I really did have one breakfast or the other.

This may sound obvious, but just think about this from now on. It means in my opinion it’s OK to lie about something that cannot be disproven but NOT OK to lie about something bigger which could embarrass you later on. This is also a good way to practise lying. If you need to become a good liar, use these tiny lies to practise.

[box_light]Principle #2: A person’s belief does not change reality.[/box_light]

Let us pretend you did lie about your breakfast. You nervously and uncertainly tell people you had a healthy breakfast when you really had the grease from the frying pan. You see them staring at you, eyeing you suspiciously. They know you’re lying.

What should you do?

Stick to your guns.

No matter how many episodes of ‘Lie to Me’ your friends think they memorised, they cannot in any way prove what you actually had for breakfast. Ignore their stupid remarks of “haha, yeah right” and remember this important detail. Sure, they could ask your mum what you had, but this is beside the point. Even if they keep pressuring you, if you cave, your lie has unravelled. BUT if you continue with the lie, your chances are at least better than zero.

A good lie is a lie told to the end.

If you want proof, just pretend you really did have a healthy breakfast. Your friends would most likely still disbelieve you, right? In this scenario, of course, you wouldn’t deny your breakfast because it was the truth! So why would you in the lying scenario?

[box_light]Principle #3: A good lie is no different from the truth.[/box_light]

This is an extension of the last point. A good way to practise lying is to practise telling the truth. Picture a scenario where someone accused you of lying and what your natural responses to that situation would be. Think about those natural responses and then picture yourself telling a lie using those same natural responses. Lather, rinse, repeat. Sure, some people won’t believe you even if you are telling the truth; those people are in the minority and likely have insecure personalities.

Confidence is something that helps convince people you are telling the truth. If you are not confident, don’t worry about it, but just keep this in mind if you want to know why people continue to disbelieve your statements.

The biggest mistake people make when reading these ‘How To’ articles is thinking that all the information is obvious and they knew it all along. Please, reread this article and ingrain these ideas into your head for maximum benefit.

Happy lying!